"Teacher, I didn't study."

Today, I hugged at student for the first time. I don't mean just any hug that you would give for praise or silliness. I mean a hug of sincerity. Today, I took a closer step towards what it truly means to be a teacher.

Cindy is a 5th grader in my elementary Eagle Reading class on Mondays from 4-7pm. I am currently teaching the 9th week of the Spring term, therefore I have seen Cindy 9 times thus far. Each class is 3 hours long. Her class is a very big class with 15 students. Having that many students becomes distracting, therefore turning into the Shadiyah Show with me desperately trying to "teacher-tain". With all this said and done, I have very little one-on-one time with students. If I were decent at math, I would predict that my individual attention spent per student in this class could amount to 15 minutes.

Mondays are generally on cruise control. I only have one class, therefore I can exercise all my energy into this one 3 hour course and not be spent for a following middle school class from 7-10pm. Today, started as any other Monday. I arrived early to write homework answers on the board and wait for my students to filter in. I always get the usual...

"Teacher, I didn't finish my homework."

"Teacher, I wanna kill you."

"Teacher, I'm going to fail."

"Teacher, I didn't study."

Of course, these are all said in jokey fake attempts to tap into my pity. Cindy walked in a said, "Teacher, I didn't study." Knowing this phrase well, I brushed it off and smiled telling her that it would be alright. "Study now!" I usually let my students study for 15 minutes while I walk around checking homework. When I reached Cindy's desk, she again said "Teacher, I didn't study." I blew it off as the typical attempt for me to feel sorry for them. Right before I distributed the test, Cindy came up to my desk and tapped my shoulder asking for me to go outside. Teachers should never leave a class unattended especially an elementary level one.

I went right outside of my door and she instantly cupped her hands onto her face and started crying heavy heavy tears. "Teacher, I didn't study. Just give me a F." She said these words with such heavy sighs and sniffles. My heart felt like it was going to rip. I felt so bad for her. My eyes started to tear-up. My body felt like it lost its energy losing a couple seconds of breath. All I could do was rub her back. I then embraced her and told her not to worry. "This is just one test. Plus, everyone gets +2 because everyone did their homework." I told her that she was one of my best students, which she is. She always pays attention and answers questions even if I didn't ask her specifically. She always has a cheery attitude and is friendly with her classmates. During project presentations, she always tries to make it creative and believable. I could not imagine why such a bright student could feel so bad and so guilty about this one review test. This was one review test out of 13. It was one grade that fell into an average of other grades such as homework check, attention, participation, in-class quiz, Internet homework. In total, this one review test could account for 3% of her entire term.

She sobbed so hard. She carried so much guilt about one test that it manifested into tears in front of her teacher. I remember crying to my Chemistry of Art teacher in college and remember how embarrassing that was. I hope that she didn't feel embarrassed, but felt close enough to me that it was OK for her to cry. It breaks my heart to see my student feel so much pressure that she had to cry.

Korean parents expect so much of their children. It begins with learning English to get into an international middle school or high school. To do this, a student needs to pass the TOEFL. After this hoop, the student needs to have high marks to get into a good university. One would think a university degree is just that...a university degree good enough to get anyone a job. Koreans, however, feel that a "good university" leads to a "good job" that translates into "success."

I understood Cindy's frustration. She has multiple academies after school with massive amounts of homework for each. She has exams this week in public school. She has to sleep after midnight just to get all of her homework finished. I knew she didn't study because of laziness, but actual busyness. It makes me wonder, did she cry because of the possible wrath of her parents? Did she cry because she thinks she is letting me down? Did she cry because she is upset with her own failure to study?

I took her to the bathroom and wiped her tears away with tissue paper. She washed her face as I patted her face dry with a paper towel. Throughout this process, she hung her head and hid her face with her cupped hands. We walked back to the classroom door and I asked her one last time if she wanted water and if she was OK. She kept heaving and tearing. I finally asked her if she wanted one more hug, and she opened her arms and we embraced.

When we walked back into the class, all of the students became silent. I wish I could know what was going through Cindy's mind. I'm sure she felt embarrassed. The students immediately asked me why she was crying. I told them to stop looking at her, and to look at me. "I'm the pretty one!" Cindy sat down and they students all began their tests. More of the girls asked again why she was crying. "Because you smell bad!" I tried to distract them with jokes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Once the tests were distributed, the students became silent and focused on their test. I watched Cindy from the corner of my eye while she laid her head on one propped hand. She ended up getting a B.

I have had hundreds of students since I've started teaching. As any teacher would, I have my favorites and my well...special ones with discipline issues. I will never forget either sides of the spectrum of students, but today was not about favorites. Cindy could have been a student I have wanted to strangle all term. She could have been like my own daughter. Nevertheless, today was about genuine compassion for a student.

3rd Term Shenanigans

Nic's Sunday Dinners

Me, Xiao, Norma, Juliann

Despite the sad ending to my 2nd term, my third term was greeted with much more disappointment. Although I was highly ranked and proved to be a loyal and hard-working instructor, I was screwed over when new schedules came out for the Spring term.

Monday: Eagle Reading 4-7pm Elementary

Tuesday: Albatross Reading 4-7 pm Elementary, Memory Tera 7-10pm Middle School

Wednesday: Off

Thursday: Albatross Listening 4-7pm Elementary, Memory Tera 7-10pm Middle School

Friday: Albatross Listening 4-7pm Elementary

Saturday: Off

Sunday: Albatross Reading 10am-1pm High School, Masters Writing 1:30pm-4:30pm

Not only am I working on SUNDAYS, but I do not have two consecutive days off. Perplexed and bewildered, I begrudgingly presented the news to all my friends. We all sighed. Despite the worst schedule in the world, my FM did promise that I could choose my Summer schedule. I guess I have dodged the bullet long enough without having to work the weekends. I'd rather have my pick of days in the Summer versus the Spring term.

We are finally in Week 5 of the Spring term. Although every term is dynamically different because of schedules, new instructors, and the season, I would have to label this term the most bizarre. CDI apparently hired too many instructors, therefore had to limit everyone's hours to 24 despite requests of 27 or higher. Something new that is happening this term is giving a midterm exam. Instead of the 1 level up test (IBT: Internet Based TOEFL--how middle school, high school, and university judges students). The students complained a lot because it covered every vocabulary and chunk they learned for the past 4 weeks. This was the most unnecessary and irrelevant test because the scores did not affect their overall grade, therefore were boosted so that the lowest grade was a B+. Why put these students through more stress? They get so much flack from their parents and Korean society. Whatever happened to kids having fun and enjoying being their age?

Every teacher will agree that every term is different from any other. My first term, I was focused on an ex-boyfriend and trying to impress my head instructors. The 2nd term was aimed at building on improvements made on the first term and enjoying the single life. Hence, all the winter shenanigans that ensued. Now, I'm in my 3rd term. Every instructor, at least at my branch, agree that 3rd term is where it's all downhill from here. The average career life of a Chungdahm instructor is 1 year since we have contracts. 70% tend to leave, while the other 30% resign for another year of CCTV scrutiny, spoiled kids, and a 10% resigning bonus. 3rd term is when most instructors have established a rapport with their respective head instructors and hopefully where the FM has had enough time to gauge you and favors you above newbies. With this said and thankfully established during my tenure, it is safe to say that my 3rd term thus far has been smooth sailing. I have been given ideal upper level classes and my head instructors hardly ever give me feedback because they now trust my teaching style after 2 terms. My FM hardly ever says anything to me or asks me to do anything. I guess the best part about being moved to the test prep building is that I rarely have to substitute.

Noraebang After Chasing Soju with Soju Cocktail
John, Norma, & Me

Supporting Citizen Lusca (Co-workers band) @ Texas Moon Bar for Battle of the Bands

Karam, Juliann, Me, & Norma

Xiao's Going Away Party @ Monkey Beach (Thailand in Korea)

Me & Norma

Ladies Night in Itaewon

Anna, Me, Jessie, Juliann, Kendra

St. Patty's Day & Chris' Birthday
Ben, Norma, & Me

Dancing at a bar in Kondae (Konkuk University)
Chris, Ben, John, Norma, Me, & Dave

Despite the horrible schedule, my third term has been full of shenanigans. Because my schedule does not fit with any of my friends, we have somehow established Tuesday as the new Friday. Somehow, Thursday, Friday and Saturday also became heavy drinking nights. By heavy, I mean bottle service, noraebang, supporting our co-workers at Texas Moon, a dive bar in Apgujeong (Beverly Hills/5th Ave. of Seoul) or late night movies at a co-workers apartment. **Reference Uncle Buck or Kung Fu Panda. It has been draining term, but it has been rewarding too. I have gotten to know a lot about co-workers who I would otherwise just make pleasantries with in the break room. I have not only made new friends, but have made somewhat of a Nowon crew that finds each other after work every night and every weekend sharing inside jokes and pumping or perhaps persuading to go out again. One of my problems throughout my life is that I've always been everyone's friend. I was a floater or people pleaser. Throughout college up to now, I have tried to make an effort to turn down my naivety and make a few close friends rather than a lot of acquaintances. I'm so fortunate to have found my "close group" and happily a new boyfriend as well. But that's another entry...

Battle of the Bands @ Texas Moon Bar
Dave & Me

Topic: Teacher is Kang Ho-Soon

Photo taken by Ryan-Memory Giga

My second term flew! During my first term, I felt like the weeks dragged. It seemed like every week, my head instructors were pulling me aside because I was such a bad teacher. Bad teacher in the sense that I wasn't hitting all the components, my timing was off, and I wasn't connecting to the students. However, by the end of my first term, I was actually liking teaching and my head instructors were no longer lurking around the CDI corners trying to pin me down.

At the end of every term, instructors are evaluated on CCTV, student retention, student surveys, the faculty manager, and the branch manager. Furthermore, we get ranked amongst the entire Chungdahm company faculty. The bonus rankings range from S, A, B, C, D, F. If an instructor receives an S, he/she gets an extra 1 million won tacked onto the next paycheck. An A instructor gets 500,000 won. First term instructors are not eligible for bonuses, so I wasn't too disappointed when I found out that I was a B instructor. Understandibly, my term started out weak and ended strong proven by my stellar student surveys, therefore equating to an average score. Being a B means I was in the middle of my branch of nearly 40 instructors. With a term over and done with, I ended up getting a favorable class schedule for my 2nd term being almost all upper level reading and listening classes and 2 memory class.

My second term was fantastic. Although I had jumped from teaching Memory and Bridge reading to Eagle Reading/Listening, I took on the challenge. Upper level is a lot different than lower level because I had to conduct debates/discussions while remaining neutral. This is especially hard for myself because I am a very analytical yet opinionated person. Furthermore all of my classes were middle school students and the memory classes were all elementary. Therefore, I had to be super energetic from 4-7pm, then jump the energy spectrum to the humdrum middle school 7-10pm classes. It worked out because I think the middle school classes enjoyed my liveliness and activity that I brought from teaching memory classes about Robinson Crusoe. My memory classes were the best yet. I got so comfortable with the memory teaching style that I had incorporated cannibal dances in explaining vocabulary words, did a chair dance in order for my students to memorize the summary, and even threw a dance party at the end of term. I loved these classes and will probably never have any other classes top or match them.

At the end of the term, I believed I worked hard and would be getting a bonus. All of my co-worker friends were sure of it too. After all, I had the highest student surveys in both the Memory and Listening programs. Furthermore, I had become a Head Instructor for Winter Intensives and my FM and BM were happy with my performance not to mention all the subbing I did for them. In the end, I found that my paycheck was sans bonus. To put the icing on the cake, I received my "report card" labeled with an "S". The top score, yet unrewarded. This term was different for the FAS (Faculty Appraisal System) aka bonuses and grading. The ones that got a bonus were those who had the best student retention in the branch leaving many S and A instructors leaving unrecognized, unrewarded, and underappreciated. However, the new bonus system will give a 10% hourly raise to those who receive a S or an A for two consecutive terms. I guess I'm still in the running for some kind of reward in the future. Yay...

Eagle Reading Thursday Middle School
Henry Hides Since He is the Only Boy

Memory Giga Elementary Classes Mon/Fri & Tues/Thurs

Eagle Listening Elementary Wednesdays

Eagle Reading Middle School Boys Mon & Fri

The title refers to a lesson on Topic, Main Idea, Major Details, and Minor Details. Kang Ho-Soon is a Korean psychopath killer who recently mass murdered 7 women by strangling them in their cars. To demonstrate how a story is effectively told, the following is how Teacher is Kang Ho-Soon:

T: Teacher is Kang Ho-Soon

MI: She is a psychopath.

MD1: First, she killed many students.

md1: For example, she strangled 7 women.

MD2: Second, she is crazy.

md1: She likes to smoke, drink, gamble, and eat mad cow.