I just want some bacon!

After a wonderful year in Korea eating boundless amounts of samgyeopsal (Korean BBQ pork bacon), dongas (like chicken fried pork) and rice almost every meal, guilt became to creep its ugly head at me. I have about 3 weeks till I set foot in America again and I don't want my close friends and family thinking, "Wow, you really did enjoy Korea." Not to say I'm fat, but I'm not at that comfortable size 6 anymore. I don't run as much as I did in college and I don't eat as much salad as I used to either. Furthermore, I've also acquired the "relationship gut" disease.

Unsatisfied with my level of physical fitness and overall health, I decided to do the Master Cleanse. The Master Cleanse is a 10 day detox that cleanses your body of impurities. Losing weight is just an added bonus. A few of my co-workers have tried it in the past, but failed to reach the 10th day. However, my boss Marc had completed it before, so I asked him for advice via text. The next day I found a book in my locker entitled Lose Weight, Have More Energy & Be Happier in 10 Days.

The Master Cleanse "Bible"

Ready for a challenge and get healthy again, Dave and I attempted the Master Cleanse during middle school exams. This is 2 weeks where middle students do not come to academy because they are busy studying for their school midterms. With very little faith and enthusiasm, we failed to start and decided Week 10 would be the best time. Week 10 at Chungdahm is IBT (Internet Based Toefl) test time. It is an entire week of testing where teachers simply administer the test --needing very minimal energy. This time we were serious and ready.

We woke up on November 11 and got a TGI Friday Burger, the best burger we've had in Korea. This was in response to an episode of How I Met Your Mother where the characters we're all in search for the best burger in New York City--and it wasn't found at Corner Bistro! To take full advantage of this last day of indulgence, we took on an order of TGIFridays macaroni & cheese bites. After our massive meal, we went to Costco to pick up our supplies: maple syrup ($40), lemons (3 bags 8$ each), cayenne pepper ($3), non-iodized salt ($3) , and water.

Pre-Cleanse Last Meal
TGI Fridays Burger & Macaroni & Cheese Bites

It's important to never to go Costco hungry because you'll end up buying everything in sight. It's usually tough to avoid getting a slice of their pizza, but we were stuffed from our TGI Fridays lunch. After Costco, we came home and made a fatal mistake. We downloaded whole seasons of Bravo Network's Top Chef. This was an addiction of mine in college. This is a reality show of aspiring chefs from around the US competing in high intensity challenges to be named the Top Chef and $100,000 to start their own restaurant. This show is addicting because they have such absurd challenges, but always end up making technical, creative, and delicious dishes. Hungry again, we went to our local favorite, Kimbap Chonguk and chowed down on our regular cheesy ramyeon and chamchi (tuna) kimbap. Determined to do this cleanse right, especially since we ate absurd amounts that day, we went to the dollar store and bought drink containers and poster board. While watching Top Chef, we created our Master Cleanse progress charts. This was a crucial part of our journey because having a chart made us look at our progress knowing the end was in sight--or at least at the bottom of the chart. So that night, we took our laxative tea and went to bed knowing the next 10 days were going to be foodless torture.

Supplies: $80-100 for a 10-Day Cleanse

Bottles, Water, Cayenne Pepper, Maple Syrup & Lemons

The Last Supper
Cheesy Ramyeon & Tuna Kimbap

Each day we had to begin with a salt water flush. We had to quickly drink 1000ml of water with 1 tablespoon of salt. This was to ensure a flush of our system. You can guess that what this really meant was a huge bowl movement. At first they were solid, but after 3 days to the end of the cleanse, the eliminations turned into mucky dark goo. This is a good sign because it shows the body's eliminations of the waste. After the flush, which happened approximately 30 minutes to an hour after drinking the salt water mixture, we had to make the lemonade. We made 2 1000 ml bottles. Each bottle had 8 tablespoons of lemon and maple syrup followed by 2 shakes of cayenne pepper. The lemon juice acted to cut the waste from our body. The cayenne pepper sped blood flow and the maple syrup ensured energy. Together with water, this mixture gave enough energy and nutrients to last throughout the day. Whenever I felt low energy, usually after the salt water flush or mid-day, a good chug of the lemonade revitalized me. My biggest complaint about the mixture is the scratchiness of the cayenne pepper at the back of the throat, which also accumulated at the bottom of the bottle. So the last chugs of the lemonade mixture are always full of the cayenne pepper. After a full days worth of work plus a salt water flush and two 1000 ml lemonade mixtures, it didn't take long for us to accept that we weren't allowed to eat anything else. We ended our day with a little more mixture if we were going to stay up late. We also had to drink a laxative tea to help with the elimination the next morning. Each day I documented my energy level out of 10 and comments for the day.

Day 0: Energy Level 8
Excited, but scared. Hoping to make it to 3 days.

Day 1: Energy Level 7
Headaches in the p.m. maybe because I ran 4 km. Not hungry, but craving. Everything smells good.

Day 2: Energy Level 8
Overwhelming heightened sense of smell. Looking and feeling thinner. Cold too. Neon yellow liquidy poop. Really wanted to eat because it's fun and I'm bored. No headaches.

Day 3: Energy Level 8
No headache. Less food craving. had the feeling of emptiness all day like when you wake up.

Day 4: Energy Level 7
Sleepy at the end of the day. Less energy to work out. Colder in the afternoon. less poop. Slightly weak in the head at the end of the day.

Day 5: Energy Level 6
Headaches in the evening. Highly emotional. Bored. No cravings. Less discharge. Sick of cayenne. Feeling like I'm getting sick perhaps coming from the students.

Day 6: Energy Level 7
Steady energy throughout the day. Sleepy by 11pm. Hate burn at the back of the the throat because of cayenne.

Day 7: Energy Level 7.5
Did nothing, but watch cooking shows, so used very little energy. Therefore, drank very little mix. Developing a cough maybe because there's a change in weather.

Day 8: Energy Level 8
Weak after the salt water flush because of lack of sleep. Didn't drink much at work. Sick of the taste. Smelling everyones food. Good energy at work. Cough is worst in the morning.

Day 9: Energy Level 8
Cough is getting worse. Growling stomach. Smelling everyones food. Wish I could eat with co-workers tonight since we just got paid.

Day 10: Energy Level 7
So read to be done. I keep teaing I'll eat at midnight. Talked about cheeseburger and macaroni and cheese bites and I missed it. Tough to finish last 500 ml. Steady laid back energy.

It was such a relief to complete the entire Master Cleanse. So many times, I would nearly convince myself to quit because I was ready to eat food again. After Day 5, Day 10 seemed to get so much closer than before. I would often joke to Dave about cooking bacon at midnight of Day 10--which is technically Day 11 right? He was adamant to not eat until Day 11. But how could you resist if I cooked bacon and graced your lips with it? Nevertheless, the instructions were to only drink orange juice in Day 11 and maybe have soup in the evening. We took this seriously.

We went to Lotte Department store and bought packaged dry soup broth, lots of veggies, tofu, and shrimp for flavor. We wanted our first soup to be amazing.

First Non-mixture Food
Korean shrimp stock tofu and vegetable soup

On Day 12, we had our first solid food--tuna kimbap and kimchi mandu --our favorites. I couldn't eat my usual helping. In fact I was so full from only half a serving and felt nausea after leading into my classes. My body missed juice. The only thing I wanted was orange juice. It was a mistake to eat too soon. I decided to stick to salads for a few days. We took our left over shrimp and tofu and fried them with a garden salad on Day 13.

The Aftermath
Shrimp & Tofu + Salad & Empty Water Bottles

In retrospect, I'm glad I accomplished my goal. My first goal was to get through 3 days. After doing that, I knew I could complete the entire 10 days. I probably won't ever do this again. It's a jump off point to start eating healthy again and exercise more. If I ever attempt this again, it'll be because I'm in desperate need of a cleanse. I did clean out 24 years of build-up. Perhaps I'll do this again 24 years from now.